Rachel Caine

In the spirit of GALE FORCE ... let's talk fashion!

2008-07-04T02:02:09Z

So. In about a month (WOOOT!) the next Weather Warden novel, GALE FORCE, is due in the stores. And next week, I'll open up a cool new contest to celebrate!

In the meantime, though, I thought, what would Joanne be doing right now?

Why, she'd be looking over the New York 2008 Couture shows.

Yes, it's Couture Time in New York, and time once more to ask, "What the hell were they thinking?" Or, very occasionally, "Oooooh, how much is THAT?" (A question it's best never, ever to ask, btw.)

So, with no further ado, let's do the Best and Worst of each show (in my opinion, mmm'k?)

ANNE VALERIE HASH
I'll tell the truth, I've never heard of this designer. And she opens up new glittering vistas of whackadoo, I'll say that for her. She's got a long way to go to beat the total effin' insanity of some of the later entries, but she's a good warmup ...

Worst:

Honestly, it's just -- a mess. I mean, it's not horrible on the scale of some of our later entries, but sweet fancy Moses. :shudder:

Best:

I know. It's pretty meh, but hey, considering everything else in the collection? I wept with relief.

ARMANI PRIVE
Armani is a gold standard in fashion. You'd think he wouldn't just phone it in, right?

Worst:

I don't know what to say about this. It's ... a formal capri pants jumpsuit by way of Bozo the Clown. No wonder her hair's over her face. I'd hide, too.

Even more worst:

Sometimes, I suspect designers just throw up their hands, toss a catsuit on the model, and grab some scraps and a bloody huge brooch to function as a skirt. This is that moment, only Armani will charge you several thousand dollars. The joke? That would be on you, sunshine.

Best:

Now that's not bad. I love the graceful lines of the coat. See? I'm not a curmudgeon. I just like it when the designer actually wakes up and designs. Thank you, Armani.

CHANEL:

Possibly, Chanel should stick to perfumes.

Worst:

This wouldn't be awful, except that I'm desperately afraid that it's actually eating the model.

Even more worst:

Well, it's a very effective chastity belt. Nobody's going to try to get past your fearsome steely fins, now are they?

Surely, it can't get any OH MY GOD WHAT IS THAT?:

It's like Big Bird Gets Married. IN HELL.

Best:

I know, it's not GREAT, exactly, but it's got something. It looks like an awesome dress that got run through the shredder, but still maintained its dignity. Although I don't discount the possibility that, like the Worst #1 above, it also is alive, and just biding its time before wrapping its black, stealthy tentacles around the model and dragging her back to its lair.

On second thought, I'm definitely not buying Chanel.

CHRISTIAN DIOR:

Christian is reliably insane, so approximately half his collection scares small children, and the other half makes women throw money in wadded handfuls at him. Always an interesting display ...

Worst:

Don't ask me. I've got no clue what he's smoking.

Even more worst:

The fashionable trend among designers this year is to make their evening wear look like lingerie. If lingerie had bad dreams, it'd have this.

Best:

I know it's foofy, but I like it. It looks fresh and odd and interesting.

Ooooh, and this one:

YES. Oh, yes.

JEAN PAUL GAULTIER:

Oh, Jean Paul, you whack job. I know you did costume design for THE FIFTH ELEMENT, but really, it's time to move on. Bai Ling and Victoria Beckham can only buy so many crazy-ass outfits.

Worst:

Honestly, it's like what aliens would wear to ride to the hounds. IN SPACE.

Even more worst:

Can't you just imagine the chaos backstage? "Where is my gown?" "Paviana spilled red wine all over it!" "What am I supposed to wear?" "Oh, I don't know, keep your sweats on and here, put some pumps on. Just sell it! They'll love it!"

Look up "fugly" and you'll find this:

It's so out there that it almost -- does something. I mean, it makes a statement, am I right? And the statement is, "I'm bloody insane, and this hat is woven from the hair of my many victims."

Honestly, there are no words:

So, I'm guessing the chick from FIFTH ELEMENT is coming back in a sequel in which she and Bruce Willis get married. IN SPACE. And then she kills everyone with her bouquet, because she is FIERCE.

Best:

Hey, at least it doesn't scream "I am an alien invader here to consume your flesh!" More like, "Yes, I'm made of upholstery, but I'm well tailored, dammit."

And also:

Okay, it's a bit Phantom of the Opera goes to Mexico, but hey. It doesn't suck. That's all you can really hope for, at times like these.

CHRISTIAN LACROIX:

Every time a model steps out on his runway, somewhere, a well-dressed angel sheds a tear.

Worst:

I know that heroin chic is in for the runway, but has anyone checked these girls? I don't think they're actually, y'know, ALIVE. Which would be the only way that Lacroix could convince any model in her right mind to put this on, eh?

It's like Mourning Wear for Zombies, only uglier.

There is no best. IT ALL SUCKED.

GIVENCHY:

I hate it when good designers go bad.

Worst:

Seriously. Format shorts with leggings, a fur vest, and a belt-ish thing that vaguely looks like it's made out of a parka? Yikes.

Wait, this -- no, this is still bad:

It's a sack. And a frakking parka. COME ON.

OMG WTF BBQ?

If you only wore this in pitch darkness, it would be -- no. It'd still be the fugliest outfit ever run through a sewing machine.

Redeeming features: none. FAIL. Bye, Givenchy.

MAISON MARTIN MARGIELA:

I think this is Sascha Baron Cohen's mockery of high fashion.

Worst:

Seriously, what is this? WHAT? Macrame? I don't get it.

This is why I believe Maison Martin Margiela is nothing but a massive prank perpetrated by Borat. IT'S A VEST MADE OUT OF BALLOONS. That is all.

Best:

"Best" being, of course, a very relative term. It's merely the least heinous. Although I'll bet we see some extremely drunk starlet in it at the MTV awards next year.

ELIE SAAB:

I love Elie Saab. Honestly. He's the only designer this year who's making clothes that actually flatter actual living women.

Worst:

Seriously, his worst is still more attractive than most of the best in other people's lines this year. I actually liked this.

Best:

I had a hard time choosing. I liked the rich browns and blues he combined for this, and the long, flowing lines.

VALENTINO:

It's always nice when you can go out with a winning collection. Only, er, not, really. Because a lot of this was just plain boring, with occasional veers into OMG and one or two actual wearable dresses.

Worst:

Even the model looks mortally embarrassed to be wearing what seems to be the basis for a Rose Parade float. Sort of a Salute to Plaster theme.

Late at night, they tell the terrifying tale of the dress THAT ATE HER ARMS. Come on, guys. It's a red satin sack with slits for your hands and a dust ruffle. NO.

It's like some nightmare industrial accident, come to life. It will haunt my dreams for many years to come. And now, it will haunt YOURS, too.

Best:

Oh, thank heavens. It's ... not square. I like the long, flowing lines, and the color is lovely.

Okay, this one has a whiff of Really Exclusive Toga Party to it, but still. Quite nice, and again, great color.

... and so, we come to the end of our show. Thank you, folks, and be sure to tip your bartenders as you cry into your beer to try to make yourself forget the horrors you've seen here today. And remember: friends don't let friends wear Gaultier. Not that any of us could afford to, anyway.

If you want to check out all the shows, here's the link:

http://nymag.com/fashion/fashionshows/couture/

Wear eye protection. Therapy may also be helpful.

-- Rachel

Ooooh, Lord of Misrule covery goodness!

2008-06-27T01:44:50Z

Lots of goodies to report!

I've updated the Morganville area of my website with lots of cool stuff, including:

- A new Morganville fan art gallery (photos also welcome!)
- A new Hints page if you're really frustrated with finding all the Easter Eggs
- A new Claire/Shane short story, "Lunch Date"
- An extra-long preview for LORD OF MISRULE
- Preorder link for Lord of Misrule at Amazon

... and I'll be adding more stuff in the next few days, including a new Virtual Host for Morganville, and a way to order Morganville wearable goodies.

SCHWEET.

Also: I haven't forgotten that I have ANOTHER series, and a book coming out in, oh, about a month now ... so stay tuned for an avalanche of Weather Warden goodies as well, including a pretty fabulous GALE FORCE release contest!

-- Rachel

P.S. -- My flu turned into a massive sinus infection, huzzah, but I am GETTING BETTER. I am! I swear.
:hack:
:cough:
:sigh:

I HATE the flu.

2008-06-21T18:16:41Z

Let me say it again: I HATE THE FLU.

Go away, flu. NOW. I've been humoring and harboring your little Viruspalooza since Tuesday -- enough already. GO AWAY.

All right, enough flailing in the self-pity pool ... I did get my whimpering butt out of bed this morning and slogged through the copy edits for LORD OF MISRULE. That's pretty much my productivity for the week, yo. I tried to write. Trust me, not a good idea. I deleted the file. It was better for everyone, really.

So ... this afternoon I will sit in my comfy chair and gobble my cold pills and swill cold tea and watch some movies. I might eat a Reese's cup.

'Cause some days, yo, that's just as good as it gets.

A REMINDER: Go to Barnes & Noble this weekend. Use Bookfair number 310268 when you check out. Your purchases will support HPEF (Harry Potter Educational Foundation)!

-- Rachel

Return of George the Ghost

2008-06-20T14:33:40Z

Okay, you guys have been with me through the Great Squirrel Invasion of Ought Six, and the adventures of George the Ghost in Ought Five (and Six, and Seven) ... but the squirrels are long gone, and Ghost George has been relatively quiet lately. I think he quite likes us these days, actually.

Ghost Recap: Too many things to count, but they include wonky electrical problems for no damn good reason, things breaking every day after we moved in, a tree getting blown up by lightning in the back yard, and more recently, a haunted razor.

My husband's electric shaver began to randomly turn on by itself in its drawer. I'd turn it off. It'd turn on again. Nothing wrong with the contact switch, apparently. We bought a new razor. It began draining itself dry of charge, every day, for about a week. Finally, I have Ghost George a stern talking-to about how wasteful that was, and it stopped.

Fast-forward to now. Apparently, Ghost George, who resides mainly upstairs, in our master bedroom and bathroom, got a little pissed off at the fact that I haven't gotten on with my bathroom repairs, which are sorely necessary, I'll admit. But really, is that any reason to knock all the spackle off of the ceiling in the toilet area? Because it happened after I left one morning, and before Cat got up -- maybe an hour's time. It's an area about two feet square, and no, it wasn't wet, broken, or discolored in any way. On day it's fine, the next, poof, it's on the floor. In pieces.

Not content with that, now he's just messing with me. I left early Tuesday morning to come to the coffee shop for a couple of hours, then do some errands with my mom -- I got home still early, but right around the time that Cat usually gets up. Therefore, I didn't think it odd at all that as I walked in the back garage door of the house (which leads into the laundry room, which leads into the downstairs guest bath), I heard the toilet flush. I cheerfully called out a hello, presumably to Cat, and then realized two things simultaneously: (1) there was no smell of coffee in the air, which means NO CAT, and (2) Cat would logically use the bathroom upstairs unless he was downstairs, making coffee.

I walked into the bathroom. Nobody there. Toilet is refilling. I walk out, making the circuit of all the rooms downstairs. Nobody.

Cat, it turns out, is still fast asleep upstairs. When I tell him about it later, he puts on his logical face. "Well, there's got to be a reasonable explanation," he says. Which is what he usually says. I ask him how many times he's ever heard the downstairs toilet -- which doesn't flush easily -- activate by itself.

He's still pursuing the logical explanation. I'm open to it, too. But I swear to you, that was WEIRD. The spackle falling, sure, could happen by itself. But that toilet just doesn't flush by itself.

I'm thinking of checking for EVPs. Maybe Ghost George just wants somebody to talk to. He's probably lonely.

In other news, I have been down with the flu from Tuesday on. Starting to (shakily) get my legs under me again. Argh. Not fun ... oooh, and there are shiny deadlines, rushing at me!

-- Rachel

Red Cross

2008-06-17T18:54:30Z

PLEASE ... if you can afford it, go to the Red Cross website and make a donation.

The Red Cross is being overwhelmed with the number and scope of disaster assistance they're providing, especially in response to the flooding in Iowa, Illinois, and Missouri. And hurricane season is just starting. And tornado season continues. And wildfires are threatening in other areas.

The Red Cross is always on site to help, but they're having to borrow money to field the necessary disaster relief right now; the falling economy is taking its toll.

I know that not everybody can afford it, but if you can ... please help keep this valuable organization going.

There are lots of other charities that are helping with flood relief as well, so there are plenty of needs to be filled.

If you're in the flood zone, my thoughts and best wishes are with you. Please stay safe!

A message from your local Weather Warden office ...

Rachel

PORTUS, and the upcoming B&N Bookfair!

2008-06-17T18:46:29Z

So, did you guys know there's going to be a Harry Potter Symposium, Portus 2008, in Dallas, July 10 - 13? No? Well, now you do, so you have no excuses.

For the first time (I think), the Symposium is offering one-day tickets versus the whole four-day enchilada, so you really should check it out even if you're on a budget (hey, it happens). I will be attending on Saturday, which is the day that Portus will be featuring readings by YA authors. There's also the uber-fantastic masked ball on Saturday night, which trust me, is well worth the $5 ticket.

PORTUS WEBSITE!

Portus is one of those awesome venues where you not only can feel comfortable coming in your Potter gear, but *at home* in it ... and their programming is amazing as well. Jim Dale, the voice actor for all the Harry Potter audio books as well as the voiceover actor for PUSHING DAISIES, will be at the show, and there are so many interesting and different panels that I'm sure you'll be fascinated. (I've been to two Potter events, and both have been top-notch.) The energy and enthusiasm is unbeatable.

Also ... and this is SO COOL ... Portus is partnering with Barnes & Noble from June 20 to 22 to raise money for future HP Education Fanon (HPEF) events, including next year's San Jose conference, LEVEL TWO, and the promises-to-be-the-experience-of-a-lifetime INFINITUS in Orlando in 2010, held in cooperation with Disney's new Harry Potter theme park.

All you have to do is shop from June 20 to the 22 at a Barnes & Noble store anywhere in the U.S., and tell the cashier the Bookfair number 310268 when you check out. You can also use the downloadable voucher. Textbooks, gift cards, and B&N membership cards are NOT included, but anything else will count, and a portion of the proceeds on those days will go to HPEF.

If you're shopping in the Dallas area, you can also help support the Dallas area charity, LIFT (Literacy Instruction for Texas) by purchasing an item off the LIFT Wish List. Any books purchased for LIFT will be used in providing literacy classes to adults surrounding the Dallas area.

LIFT was created to address the critical adult literacy issues in Dallas through programs which are accessible to adults at the lowest levels of literacy. With specialized ESL and Family Literacy programs, LIFT focuses on those who would normally be overlooked or ignored in standard educational initiatives. A child's educational success is greatly increased by a parent who reads and reads with the child. We all know the joy reading has brought to us.

Let's pass that joy on by making a donation of a book to LIFT!

Remember, you can use that Bookfair coupon at ANY Barnes & Noble store in the USA, from June 20 through the 22.

And I'll see you at Portus!

Cheers!

Rachel

Off to OKC!

2008-06-06T14:06:01Z

Today, we're off to SoonerCon ... if you're in the Oklahoma City area (or passing through it) look me up!

I will have cool giveaway items. :)

This will be the first road trip in the Smart Car for me and Mr. Cat ... obviously, we're not taking a lot of large paintings, but we think we can effectively pack for this trip without any effort, AND save ourselves the cost of a rental car and loads on gas, of course.

Freeway travel could prove to be REALLY fuel efficient, once I'm out of traffic -- I will be very curious to see what it turns out to be!

(CNN ran a segment on the Smart Car ... so I guess it's now truly hitting the big time!)

I'm angling to stop for lunch at Two Frogs in Ardmore, which has the best chocolate bread pudding with vanilla sauce I've ever, ever eaten.

Will be at the convention around 2 p.m., I hope, since my first panel is at 4 ...

See you there, I hope!

Rachel

Yet ANOTHER contest! Teen Libris!

2008-06-05T14:46:59Z

Yep, the fine folks at Teen Libris are sponsoring another FEAST OF FOOLS contest. Go to the Teen Libris website to enter to win ... you will have to register on the site to enter, but it's a cool site, so hey, two-fer!

Also, check out the info for the lovely Twilight non-fiction essay anthology A New Dawn, which is featured on the right side of the contest page. I have a humorous essay called "The Great Debate" in it!

The prizes:

Teen Libris is giving away three signed copies of FEAST OF FOOLS! And each winner will also receive (2) Morganville temporary tattoos, and a glow-in-the-dark Morganville silicone bracelet.

So ... go go go! :)

I'll let you know of any other contests as well.

-- R.

WINNERS!

2008-06-04T17:48:43Z

Well, guys, I have sent emails out to the Grand Prize Winner and the five runners-up in my FEAST OF FOOLS release contest ... so check your inboxes, 'cause MAYBE YOU'RE ONE OF THEM!

I won't post the names in public until I have permission to do so, but here are a few fun statistics for you:

# of entries: 900
# of people who tried to sneak in multiple entries: 16
# of people who tried to bribe me with cookies, cakes, pies, or chocolate: 14
# of people whose names I recognized from work: 4

If you sent a personal message attached to your entry, I'm working through replies -- wow, you guys are amazing. I really can't begin to express how much it means to me!

As best I can glean from the rankings at Amazon and B&N, the book is doing very well. Thank you so much for such a successful launch!

-- Rachel

ETA:

# of people who did the snoopy dance in their entries: 155
# of people who actually linked VIDEO: 2
# of people who said they needed to win because it was their birthday: 8
# of people who quoted Socrates in support of winning: 1

... I have the best fans EVAH.

A word about methodology, since we're in this kwazy political season, and I don't want anybody DEMANDING A RECOUNT. (Not that I think you would, but my process is kind of entertainingly wacky.)

Step 1: Review entries. Delete duplicates.
Step 2: Turn on "sorry, contest is closed" message. (Actually, I was afraid I'd had it on all along. Which would have been, y'know, DUMB.)
Step 3: Go to www.randomizer.org
Step 4: Request 6 sets of 6 random numbers
Step 5: Take the first number from the first set, second number from the second set, etc.
Step 6: Count the email entries.
Step 7: Lose my place and recount the email entries.
Step 8: Realize I forgot to delete a sneaky duplicate. Recount again.
Step 9: Get phone call. Recount.
Step 10: Write down names of all six winners on slips of paper.
Step 11: Look for co-worker to draw names from box.
Step 12: Look for co-worker who understands what I'm doing to draw names from box.
Step 13: Woo hoo! Winners!
Step 14: Realize that I now have to look through all 900 emails again to find the winners' email addresses.
Step 15: Curse lack of foresight.
Step 16: Locate winners and email notifications.
Step 17: Lunch.
Step 18: Feel bad for all those who didn't win, especially who made the effort to write cute, interesting, clever messages, or just said PICK ME PICK ME PICK ME!
Step 19: Continue lunch.
Step 20: Decide to give yet another consolation prize to EVERYONE WHO DIDN'T WIN.
Step 21: Start figuring out how.

... and ... that's where I am. More detail to come on the still-to-be-determined consolation prize, but shhhh, I think it will be a story available only to those who entered the contest.

-- Rachel

ETA 2: THE SEQUEL I'm happy to announce that my grand prize winner is Zachary Stubblefield! Congratulations to Zach, and to my other runners-up ... it's been an amazing contest, and so much fun.

If you entered the contest and didn't win, stand by ... I will be writing you guys a SPECIAL MORGANVILLE STORY to thank you all for entering! It'll probably be a couple of weeks before I can get it finished and uploaded for you, but I'll be sending out an email to all contest entries once it's done.

And ... I'm outta here. It's been kind of a long day!

Oh, one last thing: HAPPY BIRTHDAY crazymadjo! :)

HAPPY RELEASE DAY!

2008-06-03T16:32:10Z

It's release day for FEAST OF FOOLS! Cue confetti ... party commences ... now! :Wheeeeeeee!:

As you join the conga line, I have a completely selfish request: if you've already finished the book, whether you liked it or not, please remember to post reviews at Amazon and Barnes & Noble. It's not about the ego-boo (well, not mostly, anyway) -- your feedback helps me get a more accurate view of how I'm doing with the series and the story.

I want to write the best books I can, and I can only do that if YOU tell me what you liked and what you didn't.

If you don't feel comfortable posting a review, email me at rachel@rachelcaine.com -- I can't promise to reply to every message, but I'll do my darndest.

REMEMBER: ENTRY FOR THE FEAST OF FOOLS CONTEST CLOSES AT MIDNIGHT CENTRAL TIME TODAY! Email rachelcainecontests@gmail.com (any content or no content in the message, it all works!) to enter -- but you can only enter once. I am deleting duplicate messages.

HAPPY RELEASE DAY!

:snoopies:

FEAST OF FOOLS sighted in the wild!

2008-05-27T00:50:25Z

Well, not sighted by me, because I haven't left my house all day ... but I've gotten a couple of different alerts from sharp-eyed readers that in some places, FEAST OF FOOLS is already out and on the shelves!

Just thought I'd let you guys know, in case you want to call up your local bookseller of choice and check ...

nakedtreefaery, you are FAST. I can't believe you've already found it, bought it, and finished reading it! Alas, I don't have a release date for LORD OF MISRULE yet, but I fully expect it to be either December or January. I'll try to post some more short fiction over the next few months to tide you over ...

You guys are the best, honestly.

-- Rachel

P.S. -- I just finished preloading content on the teeny little iPod Nano G3, and putting the customized skin on it ... dude, it's pretty cool! I'm tempted to keep it for myself ...

Okay, I won't. But still. Tempting!

Blogging tomorrow at the Knight Agency Blog!

2008-05-25T15:31:51Z

Hey guys ... I don't think I've made this announcement in public yet, but my agent Lucienne Diver, formerly of Spectrum Literary Agency, has joined forces with the folks at The Knight Agency! I'm going over there with Lucienne not because Spectrum isn't full of amazing folks (it is) but because I really love working with Lucienne, and now I have a new agency full of folks to meet and admire.

You can read about Lucienne joining TKA here: http://www.knightagency.net/news/

So ... in celebration of all this, I'm doing a guest blog tomorrow (probably afternoon) at the TKA blog, here, for YA Week:

http://knightagency.blogspot.com/

Drop in and take a look ... you never know what kind of wacky and embarrassing things I might say! I'M ON BENADRYL!

-- R.

P.S. -- I will be in Oklahoma City at Soonercon on June 6 - 8 ... the theme is PIRATES! ARRRRRRRRR! ... and if you track me down there, I will have cool giveaway items to celebrate the release of FEAST OF FOOLS. Things you will not find in the giveaway contest, even!

Robert Lynn Aspirin

2008-05-23T15:49:27Z

I just got the sad news that author Robert Lynn (Bob) Aspirin died yesterday, apparently quite suddenly. For those of you who didn't have the good fortune to read his books, I urge you to go and buy them -- you've missed some treasures.

To me, Bob was a witty fireball of a man, always ready with a comeback for any occasion. Like most people who knew him, I have an anecdote. As a brand new writer, I was there at a book signing when a fan stepped up, handed over a paperback, and said, "Mr. Aspirin, I really hated this last book." I held my breath: what would a true professional say to something like that?

Bob looked at the fan for a second, looked at the book, and said, "Thanks for paying $4.99 for it, though." They both laughed. Bob signed and handed it back. "Hope you like the next one better." "I probably will," the fan said, and walked away.

And you know what? He probably did.

I first met Bob in about 1992, and saw him at conventions pretty steadily until about 1997 or so. He began getting back on the convention circuit fairly recently, and we were delighted to see him again. My husband Cat has known him (and traded puns with him) for many more years than me -- they've clowned around at many art auctions together, selling art and humor with equal facility. Mr. Cat doesn't know about Bob's death yet, and I'm not looking forward to breaking the news.

I don't yet know about funeral arrangements, but when I do I'll post them. My sincere sympathies go out to his friends and family. Bob leaves a lasting legacy behind him, and he'll be terribly missed.

-- Rachel

CONTEST! It's the FEAST OF FOOLS launch party!

2008-05-16T00:28:59Z

So ... this book is coming out on June 3 ...

Yeah. I'm pretty excited, man!

In honor of the fact that I am currently doing the Snoopy Dance around the box o' books that just landed on my counter today, here's the Official FEAST OF FOOLS Contest!

The Grand Prize Winner will receive:

An iPod Nano G3, preloaded with some cool stuff ...

And here's the custom Morganville skin it'll be wearing:

A custom engraved Morganville bracelet:

... plus a signed copy of FEAST OF FOOLS!

I'll also pick five runners-up, who'll get:

* Signed copies of FEAST OF FOOLS
* Morganville glow in the dark silicone bracelets! (sorry, no picture available, but they're cool, I swear!)

... so. How do you enter to win? Send an email (no special message necessary!) to rachelcainecontests@gmail.com any time from now until midnight (Central Time USA) on June 3, 2008. Winners announced on June 4. Good luck!

One note: DUPLICATE ENTRIES WILL BE ELIMINATED. Sorry, but no stuffing the ballot box. So if you read it here, read it on Myspace, and get an email from the mailing list, nope, sorry, you can't enter three times. Sorry.

Now ... do the SNOOPY DANCE with me!

-- Rachel

Coming up in June!

2008-05-11T23:03:50Z

In addition to the release of FEAST OF FOOLS (otherwise known as Morganville Vampires, Book 4), June's also going to see the release of this lovely thing:

So what is it? It's the second release from a new collaboration between BenBella Books and Borders, called Teen Libris, and it's a collection of essays -- from the funny to the serious -- about Stephenie Meyer's brilliant book TWILIGHT.

Lovely, no? I was so lucky to be asked to contribute.

The official press release:

An excuse to fall in love with Bella and Edward all over again

Borders Exclusive anthology A New Dawn gives readers more of Stephenie Meyer’s Twilight series

DALLAS—Breaking Dawn, the fourth and final title in Stephenie Meyer’s cult hit Twilight series is released Aug. 2, with the feature film based on the first book, Twilight, following on its heels Dec. 12. In the ensuing frenzy, the series’ fans will be looking for more of their favorite series. Thankfully, A New Dawn: Your Favorite Authors on Stephenie Meyer’s Twilight Series, edited by New York Times bestselling author Ellen Hopkins, delivers with fresh takes on Bella, Edward, Jacob and the rest of Forks, Wash. It hits Borders’ shelves this June.

In A New Dawn, 13 beloved and up-and-coming writers for teens, including Megan McCafferty, Robin Brande, Rachel Caine and Cassandra Clare, discuss the Twilight series in surprising, funny and insightful pieces that run the gamut from how the series is like a Shakespearean tragedy to whether it’s easier (and safer!) to date a vampire or a werewolf.

A New Dawn is the second in a new series of books called Teen Libris, where Independent Reader and Young Adult authors give their insights on favorite IR and YA series for an IR and YA audience. Other titles include Through the Wardrobe, on C. S. Lewis’ Chronicles of Narnia, edited by Herbie Brennan and released in April; Demigods and Monsters, on Rick Riordan’s Percy Jackson and the Olympians series, edited by series author Rick Riordan himself and released in May; and Secrets of the Dragon Riders, on Christopher Paolini’s Inheritance series, edited by James A. Owen and to be released in July. The series will be carried exclusively in Borders bookstores.

The perfect companion to the Twilight series, A New Dawn sates Twilight fans’ hunger for their favorite series while showing them a few more things to love about Stephenie Meyer’s epic love story along the way.

Book Details

Title: A New Dawn: Your Favorite Authors on Stephenie Meyer’s Twilight Series

Authors: Ellen Hopkins, Robin Brande, Rachel Caine, Cassandra Clare, Rosemary Clement-Moore, Linda Gerber, Cara Lockwood, Megan McCafferty, K.A. Nuzum, James A. Owen, Janette Rallison, Ellen Steiber, Anne Ursu, Susan Vaught

Publisher: Teen Libris (developed for Borders, Inc., by BenBella Books)

Publication: June 2008, $14.99, Trade paperback, ISBN-13: 9780979233159

200 pages, 6 x 9

Available exclusively at Borders bookstores.

Wicked cool, man.

... Sorry for the silence, I've actually been drawn back into my former employer as a contractor for a limited period of time. BUT! Stay tuned, there's a cool contest a-coming to celebrate the release of both FEAST OF FOOLS and A NEW DAWN.

I will just say one word as a hint: iPod.

Okay, two words: custom iPod.

And signed books, too. Obv.

Last but not least: Please go and donate to the Red Cross -- so many people need help right now, in the wake of the disaster in Burma and the recent deadly tornadic storms that have ripped through the U.S.

Charity begins at home. Or, in my case, at PayPal ...

-- Rachel

Taking up John Scalzi's 1-star challenge!

2008-04-29T01:28:03Z

If you haven't read it, John Scalzi posted some one-star reviews from Amazon, and challenged the rest of us to do the same. And I thought, hey! I'VE got 1-star reviews! I CAN SUCK TOO!

I am not immune from sucking, even though I try very hard to write the best books I can. Sometimes, you choke up on the bat, and hit a foul ball to left field, no matter how hard you work at batting practice. And then you have to COWBOY UP and hit the next one hard and straight to center field or the talking heads on ESPN will chew you up and spit you out ... and rerun your failures ... every fifteen minutes ... in slo-mo ....

I forgot: I hate sports metaphors. Let us not speak of this again. So sorry.

Back to the subject, ahem. I've never had an Amazon review removed, and I won't. People are perfectly free to say bad things about the books if they feel the need -- they paid for the right. Or at least, I hope they did. It's really gonna suck for me if they bummed it off of a friend.

Reader reviews are not personal, they're just brutally honest. I try to look at it in a businesslike way, and after I cry hysterically into my pillow, cuddle my teddy bear, scream, fling darts at a printout of the review, and rant to my husband about how unfair life is ... I have some hot cocoa and think hard about what I can learn from this review that will make my work better.

That dart thing, though: very therapeutic. Highly recommended.

Glass Houses
(Okay, I couldn't find any 1-stars, so here are a couple of 2-star excerpts ...)

"I was very excited to get this book, because, though I state otherwise, I love vampires books, and I love young adult novels. Perhaps I'm learning that I should not mix the two, however. The main character was an idiotic "smart-girl". Her incessent need to go to college in the face of death made me dislike her and wish her all the trouble she got."

"While I am sure it would be a better story for a young adult I had a very hard time relating to the characters. I have read other young adult books and not felt so disconnected from the thoughts and emotions of the characters but for whatever reason I just didn't empathize with them enough."

"I didn't realize that this book was for the YA market, but I read it anyway. It was a good read for a YA book and I was ready to give it 4 stars but then I read the ending! It ends on a cliff-hanger!! I HATE books that end on cliff-hangers!! That being the case, it only rates 2 stars."

Rachel: On the whole, I kind of heart these bad reviews. The first one reminds me to make sure Claire remains an aggressive character, and to give her better reasons for her actions. The second reminds me to continue to work hard on character. The third reminds me that using cliffhangers for style will carry a price, and I have to just accept that.

The Dead Girls' Dance
(Once again ... no 1-stars, so here's the 2-star!)

"What was the point of having a teenage girl who does nothing but get rescued be the protagonist of a paranormal novel written in the twenty first century. Her only skill seems to be crying on cue. She won't stay where she could be safe but injects herself into every dangerous situation available so she can be rescued. The only time that she saves any one at all is when she saves the evil vampires and their human sheep. She does this because of some haft baked moral reason. Claire has no survival instinct at all and other then being a nice girl no redeeming values as a main charactor. If you want to read about a girl being rescued read THE PERILS OF PAULINE at least that story is in a time period that fits."

Rachel: A mild mea culpa on this one, 'cause I've often fretted about whether Claire was proactive enough as a main character. But, it's meant to be an ensemble cast, not a star vehicle. I also very deliberately meant for Claire to get more aggressive and self-sufficient through the books, as she adapts and matures, so I needed to have room for her to grow. Do I still worry about this review? Heck yeah. I think he/she has a point, potentially, and I keep it in mind all the time.

Midnight Alley
(2-star review)

"While this series is written for young adults genre, I still found myself engulfed in the world of Morgansville Vamps in the first two books. Sadly, the third in the series didn't meet my expectations ... While I think the storyline created my Rachel Caine is excellent and inventive; this particular book went absolutely no where. Nothing really happened-- it was like a whole lot of side story being squished together in desperate measures to make a book. The characters didn't grow at all, and their relationships didn't change."

Rachel: Well ... I am very thankful that she seemed to genuinely enjoy the series, but I'm sorry I let her down on the third book. What would I have changed? Not really sure. I didn't feel the vibe she did, and I can't quite put my finger on what she was hoping to see. But: respect. Hopefully, she'll like Book 4.

Ill Wind
All right! NOW we get to the 1-stars!

"I just found the whole thing sort of... incomplete. There was too much action, not enough explanation. I wanted more backstory - how did some people get to be Wardens and others not? Does magic run in family lines or something or was it just random? How was it possible that she randomly runs across David, who is actually so crucial to the storyline, but he just sort of happens to be there when it's necessary? Why were some people pulling so hard for her to be a Warden, and then she ends up being afraid of them later when they could probably help her when she's in trouble? I didn't find any explanation for why the characters were doing what they did, other than that it gave the story some action to take place. It annoyed me that I didn't see any real motivation for their behavior."

Rachel: Sometimes I read this one several times, and still don't really understand it. But I get that she wanted more backstory, more talking, more worldbuilding. No lie, it's a tough call to know when to talk and when to jump and run in a story like this. I chose to emphasize action, and it didn't work for her. She will likely enjoy other people's work a lot better, and that's okay. I'm sorry it didn't work for her, but I'm not really sure what I would have changed. I think it's a matter of my style not connecting, instead.

"The best thing about this book is its brevity. The author doesn't bore you with long words or complex plot twists. Then again the characters are shallow and not well developed, which helps make this a quick and forgettable read."

Rachel: Ouch. At least he enjoyed my ... simplistic plot and language? I'm reaching, here. Lessons learned: um, I'm working on that one. Help me out.

"I liked this book as an overall concept. Unfortunately, I sometimes see a reoccurring flaw within in a story, and I can't shake it to the point where it ruins the whole thing for me. In this case, not to be blunt, but has Joanne Baldwin ever met a man she didn't think was gorgeous and wanted to sleep with? I'm far from a prude, but I find it hard to like a character who seems so hard pressed to sleep with any guy she meets, human or otherwise... If you can get past that, it's a nice read."

Rachel: my favorite 1-star EVER! Seriously. I'm sorry, I'm just ... laughing. She's had one lover the entire series, and she's about to marry him in Book 5. To be clear: APPRECIATING MEN DOES NOT MAKE WOMEN SLUTTY. But I still cherish this review, because it makes me laugh every time.

... Okay, this could go on a long, long, LONG time, because damn, I have lots more. But I'll save the rest of the Weather Warden series for another post.

For a funny approach to dealing with bad reviews, check out Douglas Preston & Lincoln Child's Rogues Gallery, in which they celebrate (and cheerfully mock) their detractors.

Back to you, John!

-- Rachel

No UK this year ...

2008-04-22T23:34:40Z

Arrrrrgh. Well, unfortunately, the financial fairy has not arrived to drop a tidy sum in my lap, and I will not be making the much-anticipated (by me, anyway) trip to the UK in May. Instead, I am fixing laptops and stuff. Also, new car.

So. UK friends, please forgive me ... I would LOVE to come and see you guys. I will try to work it out for later in the year!

... also, someone reminded me that I need to update my website. Am working on it this evening. Woot! I have working laptop! Happy!

-- R.

BACK IN BLACK, BABY!

2008-04-22T22:28:51Z

Yeah, the Black Monster (aka, the laptop) is back in business, thanks to Geek Squad and replacement of the screen, frame, and hinges. :headslap: While I was at it, though, I loaded it up with all the RAM it could eat, so yay. Back in business!

NEWS! ... I'm very pleased to announce that LINE OF SIGHT, the Athena Force novel that I wrote for 2007, has been recognized with an RT Reviewer's Choice Award for Best Continuity Novel! WOOOOOOOT! I belive this is the first professional award I've ever won, and I'm pretty darned excited.

In case you're saying, "Darn it, I should have picked that up!" ... well, you can get it here on Amazon's used book listings, or on their Kindle page, if you're into that kind of swanky stuff.

Next ... well, I know that I posted the new British Morganville covers, which were amazing (and GLOW IN THE DARK! Fer serious.)

Ahhhh, you took the bait. Silly you! But okay, I promised, so here they are, and they really are HAWT. Well, the first two are. The second two are confuzzling.

First, the Brit cover of ILL WIND (I think I might have posted it before, but if so, this is a refresher ...)

Mmm, tasty! Next: the British cover of HEAT STROKE ...

Awesome, eh?

.... And now, the big finish. The Russian covers. First, ILL WIND/HEAT STROKE:

I'll give you a moment. Now. Better? Okay. Here's CHILL FACTOR:

No. I don't have any idea. Do you? Mr. Cat says it's the Silver Surfer, in which case, COOL.

Aren't you glad you clicked that? I knew you would be.

Okay. Tomorrow, it's back to work, I swear! Look, my computer even opens and closes without cracking into pieces. It's auspicious, and suchly.

Cheers,

Rachel

Sorry ... computers hate me.

2008-04-18T02:35:40Z

Yes, it's true. Computers hate me. Well, they do this week ... my new (year old, actually) HP laptop suddenly developed cracks in the case and hinges and began breaking apart. It's in the computer hospital as we speak. So ... I've been offline, sorry all.

Lovely Ms. p_n_elrod lent me the laptop I gave her when I got the new one (thanks, Pat!). Cool-o ... I needed to pull some data off of it anyway.

I had it up and running approximately 30 minutes when BOOM, the hard drive suddenly made frying-egg sounds and the whole thing shut down. When I restarted, it said WINDOWS NOT FOUND.

Safe mode? HA! There is no safe mode, sucker, because the hard drive lost its little itty bitty mind. The only rescue available was to reinstall Windows from scratch ... but all the data was gone, gone, gone. Bye bye, data. It was nice knowing you. I'll never forget that time we had together.

So. After two days of reinstalling everything from scratch, I (and more importantly, Ms. Pat!) once again have a sorta working computer. My new-new computer will be back early-ish next week, for a total repair cost of somewhere around $500. Um ... yay? I am attempting positive energy, here, work with me.

Nothing else to report right now. I am about to start on rewrites for OUTCAST SEASON, though!

As soon as I get myself sorted out and back on the proper machine, I will be sending out FEAST OF FOOLS review copies and doing a giveaway as well, so stay tuned ...!

R.

ETA: Sorry, I wasn't clear. Yes, I lost some data, but it was relatively little overall, because I do indeed back up my writing. The problem is that when you have 145 gigabytes of data, well. Backing up is kind of a very big pain it the rear, and takes forever, no matter how you slice it. I am transferring out pictures and video files to individual USB hard drives, but even so, backups are just plain ol' time consuming. I always back up my *writing* daily, though. It's all the other stuff that tends to fall through the cracks ... kind of like, "I'll back up that video footage later." Uh-huh.

HOORAY! Morganville 5 ... delivered.

2008-04-09T16:30:42Z

So. Because of some unavoidable delays, I wasn't able to seriously start on the last section of Morganville 5: Lord of Misrule until last Thursday. It's been a tough few days, but I turned in the manuscript on Monday afternoon, woo hoo!

Yesterday was consumed with reviewing final proofs for Weather Warden 7: Gale Force, and refreshing the synopsis for Morganville 6: Carpe Corpus.

I am taking a couple of luxurious vacation days before I start on rewrites for Outcast Season: Undone, and tackling a couple of smaller projects.

On to the better things.

Yep, it's my brand new Smart Car! We've affectionately named him the Blue Beetle -- half in honor of Harry Dresden's much-abused Volkswagen, and half because Cat's a golden-age comics aficionado ...

The interior:

I love, love, LOVE this car. It drives great, it's fun, it's roomy inside, and so far I've gone 215 miles on about half a tank of gas. I topped off the tank for $21 (premium gas, at that) just yesterday.

ROCK!

Now then. I'm going to go vegetate for a while. Ahhhhhhhh ....

Rachel

Drive-by post!

2008-03-31T14:15:03Z

Back from AggieCon 39. Had a great time. Didn't get much done toward finishing LORD OF MISRULE.

Now entering the pirate seas in earnest:

In the turret, no one can hear you scream ...

Great and awesome things about AggieCon: The people! Thanks to Alysha for the reading support, to Paul Ortega for the heads up on the manuscript goof, and to Kari and Joya and David for making my Saturday totally fun. :)

Not-so-awesome things about AggieCon: a post to come, but it involves blue tape and body parts.

My Smart Car is here! I'm picking it up today:

Expect squeeage.

Argh, off to repel the boarders and pile up the wordcount ....!

-- R.

Quarterly review of the state of the Rachel

2008-03-22T16:53:58Z

So. I feel I've done pretty well for the first three months of my new full-time writing thing. I did a 100,000(ish) word novel (OUTCAST SEASON: UNDONE) from mid-January to the end of February, took a one-day mini-vacation, and started and finished "Dead Man Stalking" for the upcoming Borders YA vampire anthology. Then I took a five-minute mini-vacation and started working on Morganville #5, LORD OF MISRULE.

So here, for those of you playing the home game, betting the line in Vegas, etc., is my progress so far:

36,000 / 70,000
(51.4%)

Due date is April 1, and of course I have AggieCon next weekend, to complicate matters. But still. I'm thinking it's do-able.

Then I take a breather for about, oh, ten seconds and start on the next Weather Warden book.

BTW, I *also* intend to do a free short story for the website this month. It will, of necessity, be kinda short, but I'll have it up by the end of March!

My breast cancer has turned out to be a constant source of bemusement (bordering on actual amusement) for me, which is just -- odd. I mean, I guess a lot of people don't share that view, and find it tragic and horrifying. I respect that. It's just that somehow, it doesn't seem that way to me most of the time. I mean, what's not funny about having breasts that are different sizes? It's funny. Don't look at me that way, it IS.

So. I had my annual post-treatment checkup, with the mammograms and ultrasounds and all that. I have to give credit to these doctors -- I've been a low-profile patient, not really a lot of drama (except for that whole radiation machine falling on me, an experience you can find journaled here). But they still remember who I am, and are very kind and gentle people, and also, cancer waiting rooms have awesome leather recliners and fluffy blankets hand-knitted by some nice church people. Rock.

So, I go to see the first doctor (the oncologist), who is very nice and sweet and had nothing really to do with me, because I didn't need chemo because of the stage of the disease and its position. But he did a full breast exam anyway, and I always think it's funny that the doctors WILL chatter away as they're fondling private bits, because it makes the whole experience so mundane and surreal. Also of the surreal: I got halfway out of my clothes and realized that the blinds were open to the street. I quickly tried to close them, the blinds jammed, the door opened, the nurse walked in, you get the chaotic picture, complete with me tripping over my pants.

For lo, I am Carol Burnett and Lucille Ball in these situations.

Later, I realized the entire building has tinting on the windows, so nobody can see in anyway. D'oh.

So then I'm walking out, and I run into the second doctor (the radiologist) who takes me into another treatment room. The nurse hands me the requisite three-armed gown (if you've never struggled with that concept, be happy). I say, "Okay, but the other doctor just did a full breast exam."

And the second doctor, who is really quite huggably cute by the way, says, "Well, having TWO doctors grope you is completely optional, of course, but if it would make you more comfortable ..."

Which made me laugh. But sadly, no more groping. Just questions, poking in armpits, etc. In the end, I am very pleased to say that my outcome is CLEAN BILL OF HEALTH for one more year, yay! The end.

... in other news, well, I did my taxes. :runs screaming:

-- Rachel

Quick question for my London friends (or those who know the place)

2008-03-17T17:40:35Z

So. I'm strongly considering taking a trip to London in May, because Ill Wind is coming out through the fantastic British publishers Allison & Busby for its first official UK release. And Waterstones is apparently doing a promotion for it.

So I'm considering taking a week in London, doing some book signings, dinner with editors (I have several in the area) and film/TV people I'm working with, and of course FRIENDS!

So ... two requests. If you're in the London area, could you please tell me the following:

1) What would be the best Waterstones for me to pick to hold a signing, if they'll have me of course?

2) You guys probably know the cool hotels, too. Suggest away!

3) If you'd like to have a meal, hoist a pint, etc. while I'm in London, let me know that too. I'd love to meet up with people.

Also, fear not, they're already working on Heat Stroke and Chill Factor.

Also: Glass Houses is ALSO on A&B's release schedule for later in the year. I'll share that with you when it's closer!

Cool, eh?

All this forward planning is subject to budget disasters or me not being able to find my stupid passport, which is not where I left it, I swear.

-- R.

FOR REVIEWERS ONLY

2008-03-16T21:09:25Z

Okay -- I'm updating my list of reviewers. Official, established reviewers only, please -- you must have an established review website, or be a regular contributor to a print magazine. I mean, if it was up to me, I'd send out copies hither and yon to anybody who wanted to blog about it, but, er, I only have about 10 ARCs, and I need to be sure they go to official outlets.

So, reviewers: represent in the comments! :)

(If you aren't a reviewer, but want to recommend a site or magazine, let me know that too!)

-- Rachel

Updates and Puzzlements

2008-03-15T22:31:30Z

Okay -- sorry, I'm caught in the slipstream again, which is both good (for the writing) and bad (for the blogging). However, I've finished a Morganville short story, for an anthology that will be coming out for Borders sometime this year (more on that when I have details), and it's an all-Morganville March, as I'm midway through LORD OF MISRULE (aka, Book Five).

Other than that ...? Hmmm. I got my clarinet fixed up and started playing again -- sucked at first, of course, but I'm getting my tone back. Technique will be a little slower. Tonguing and note attack is going to be an uphill battle, armed with a wet twig, but I'll try.

Which brings me to the "puzzlement" section of this post. I'm hoping that someone out there with prodigious mad research skillz can help me find out about the instrument I'm now playing.

I used to play Buffet R13s (professional quality instruments) but when I got out of active performing I sold them, as they're pretty expensive.

Then I ran across this pretty little clarinet in a secondhand store, and upon examination, I found it was very very odd. It's only gotten odder as time went on.

It's a grenadilla wood clarinet, with silver keys -- real silver. I know the top end Buffet and Selmer models used to come with an optional silver key coating, but this isn't either of those manufacturers, and I don't know of anyone else who offered that.

The clarinet has several very odd and interesting features, most notably that it has some key rollers that usually only appear on Albert System clarinets, but the configuration is definitely Boehm System. I think some Selmers had those rollers, way back when. Again: it's not a Selmer, though.

The clarinet is marked very simply "Eric Pettersen Stockholm" on the upper and lower joints, as well as on the bell. There is a silver band at the top of the lower joint that has Eric Pettersen's signature engraved on it. (Awesome as it is, WHO THE HELL ARE YOU, ERIC?)

Somewhat amazingly, the serial number for this clarinet is 867 -- obviously very low.

When I took the instrument in for repadding and alignment this week, I learned that weirdly enough, the pads were all LEATHER. We agreed, me and Mr. Repair Guy, that we had never, ever seen anything like that on a clarinet before (and neither of us were sure it was a good idea, either). He was pretty sure they were original to the instrument, not after market, which leads me to suspect this instrument is way older than I'd thought.

The only explanations that I've been able to come up with is that (a) either Eric Pettersen's company existed a longer time ago than I would have suspected, because I can't find ANY trace of it on the internet, or (b) this is a boutique line (kind of like a special Michael Jordan shoe) marketed behind a noted clarinetist in Sweden. However, (a) kind of disputes (b), so I don't know; although there are records of some clarinets being marketed by noted soloists in the 1800s, I still can't figure out who Eric was.

It's a lovely instrument in an exceedingly ratty case that is clearly not original to the instrument, so I can't trace it through the case, either. Didn't have a mouthpiece or ligature, I provided those myself.

Hmmm. Bueller? Anybody? Ideas?

It'll probably turn out to be so obscure it's not at all valuable, but I don't really care. It's a lovely instrument with a great tone, and if I can get the #^&@! F key to stop sticking closed, I'd be perfectly content with it. :goes to find some key oil: :and a new case:

Seriously ... any help you guys could offer would be much appreciated. It's sort of driving me nuts, having this strange, oddball instrument and not knowing anything at all about it.

Okay, I'm done technobabbling. Off to do something semi-fruitful, like, I dunno, laundry.

Cheers!

-- R.

ETA: Wow, I posted the question about the clarinet on the bulletin board at http://www.clarinet.org, and got an immediate response from a Swedish clarinet player. I had the brand name slightly wrong, it's Eric Petterson (I think my brain just kept sticking the extra "e" in there!) and evidently, his small company produced some very high quality instruments from the 1950s to the mid-70s. I would guess this to be pretty early in his run. Apparently, these instruments have a very good reputation and hardly ever come up for sale! WOOT! Mystery solved, kinda.